Single, middle aged, female and foreign This must be the worst combination one can imagine.

I have been singled by my husband nearly 4 years ago. And it’s been a roller coaster. From the shock of the separation to the disastrous reaction of my children through to total loneliness and despair, passing by some moments of total happiness that could never last.

And then that realisation that I am in a country where, however hard I try, I will never truly feel at home. I came here, half against my will. My dream was never one of moving to Ireland, but here I am.

I live in the country side, in a lovely house with my children, who are slowly leaving . One is in England, one moved to the city, the third one is doing his leaving cert and getting ready to go next September.

There will be me and my daughter left. In the middle of nowhere.

I’m not interested in GAA, I tried but it’s just not my thing. I left the church behind years ago, living here just gives me silence at night and peace after work. But it doesn’t give me company.

I read in the various newspapers that online dating is a good way to meet new people and maybe a romantic interest. So I tried.

I joined one of those 40 + dating sites. The first time someone sent me a message, i unsubscribed in a panic.

I joined again, the next message I received was titled ‘FOREIGNERS’.It said, I don’t mind foreigners, as long as they’re friendly……..I unsubscribed again.

It’s just not my thing. I tried a multi-racial dating site and met someone with a brain on there, he didn’t live nearby. The description of his self seemed perfect. he was 1.96 metres tall, smart and respectful. So after chatting online f0r a few months I decided to take the plunge and meet him.

I could not believe my eyes. He was around 3/4 of the size he told me, barely reached my shoulders. The attraction just vanished when I met him, not that I mind small people, I do mind lies.

So I left the online dating behind. It’s not for me. I decided I will probably just grow old alone.  And now I am trying to get used to that idea. I do like my independence, but I would rather be independent with some company.

Me. Alone. In the middle of nowhere.

And I don’t like it one bit.